Random Thoughts

I have had a lot of time to do a lot of thinking lately. Thinking about life in general. How much I have taken for granted because until things or people in our life are gone we don't realize how much we need them/it or miss them/it. Heavenly Father has been seeing us through yet another trial. If you have been talking to me on facebook you know there has been a snag in my health over the last 2 weeks. I know you are probably thinking health problems again! O know, I promise, this is not my idea of learning some great lesson but Heavenly Father knows for some reason we need to continue to endure these trials.

In the last 2 weeks I have had an ambulance ride, a heart attack work up, stroke work up, a special heart test called a TEE that revealed a small hole in my heart, 2 MRI's that showed a chiari malformation (part of my brain is herniating through my skull), a cyst in the left ventricle of my brain, and degenerative arthritis through my spine. I have had debilitating migraines that have left my body racked in pure torment.

I have a pretty high pain tolerance due to my health history but this has been its own plain of awful. Kelly and I were laying in bed last week, both feeling awful, and Kelly said, "What are we going to do?" I answered by saying that together we don't even make a full person. He agreed and again asked me what we are going to do. I trusted him with the only thing keeping me going. I told him I look forward to the Second Coming when our bodies can be made whole and perfect.

I know there are people out there facing worse than us. Some that can't see, hear, walk, etc.  There is something about losing the ability to do your own everyday stuff that gets to you. It can be humbling and purely frustrating all at the same time. I have had multiple breakdowns this week mostly when my body is not cooperating like it should. I have, at times, felt alone and a little scared.

I have had the great opportunity the last few weeks to receive service from people I work with. People have bent over backwards to cover my shifts. Meals have been brought by sweet Grandma Syd and Miss Cristal has come and snatched my kids more than once to play so this poor mama can rest. She too has fed us. I was able to spend some time at her house last week while Kelly was at a meeting. Good thing she is a nurse because I was feeling awful. She tucked me in on her couch. Her sweet husband came home from work and saw me looking like death warmed over. He came and put his hand on my forehead and asked if I would like a blessing. The funny thing, I had been having a prompting I needed to receive a blessing and then there he was offering. It was so sweet of him. Again the spirit bore witness to me of the importance, sanctity, and surety of priesthood power.

Tonight we decided to go to the Visitors Center for Family Home Evening. The Sister Missionaries talked to my kids about Christ and they listened to the Christus message. The sisters asked my kids to count how many times they heard the word love being said in the one minute and 50 second presentation. In that short amount of time the word love was used 4 times. Christ says, "If ye LOVE me keep my commandments." and that by serving others we are showing Christ how much we love HIM because He says, "if ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me." The kids then had the opportunity to touch the christus statue including the prints in His hands and in His feet. Austin said to me, "Mom my heart is happy and peaceful! I know Jesus LOVES me!" Addie chimed in, "Me too! I know Jesus LOVES me sooo much!" Macee was amazed to see pictures of the inside of the Salt Lake temple. She with her jaw dropped said, "Mom it is so beautiful! I want to be worthy to go inside someday!"

I hope each of my children has the opportunity to enter the beautiful walls of the temple and to learn and grow closer to our Father in Heaven. I feel like my mothering skills have gone down the drain lately, for lack of a better description. I pray that Heavenly Father continues to buyou us up as a family and continues to see us through the trials we face.

I am not perfect. I don't even feel brave. I am merely trying to make it the best I can and hopefully my life, the service I give, and my testimony will allow me to enter the Savior's presence one day and hear the words I long to hear from the scriptures, "Well don thou good and faithful servant......enter into thy rest."

I love you all! Thank you for your prayers, keep them coming. They are what is keeping us afloat right now.