Remebering the "WHY"

I just had to share with you one of my ah ha moments today. That's what my grandma calls them, "ah ha moments"  They are the moments where your soul remembers important truths you have learned through trials or the clarity that can come to you in quiet moments. Tonight I had one!

You see, it has been a rough Spring Break for me. Who am I kidding? It has been that way for anyone living in the great state of Idaho this last week! Horrible weather has confined us to our homes and with all of the kids home my patience has been on a touch and go basis. I have endured tantrums, whining, lots of crying, all out punching fights between the kids, messes, and last but probably most significantly of all.....a quart of spilled paint in my laundry room.

I have not been the most graceful mother this week, although I have tried. Trust me I have. I have tried to be creative and think of things to do in our tiny house. We have been on treasure hunts to thrift stores for a couch for the basement, we baked Easter sugar cookies, we tie dyed Easter eggs, we went to the library twice.

On one occasion I lost Addie and thought she had been kidnapped. My heart dropped into the pit of my stomach when I couldn't find her! Luckily, a very kind woman saw her trying to walk out of the library unattended, yes she really is that fast. I swear she was right by me! I felt like the worst mother in the world! If this week is any glimpse into the summer break I am in big trouble!

But back to my ah ha moment! Even though this week has been a whirlwind of emotions I found clarity in a couple of awesome things. Macee went out of her way before bed last night to find me and look me in the eye. She said, "Mama, I want to thank you for making sugar cookies with us today and for getting me a library card. I had a lot of fun!" With a big hug and kiss she ran to bed. We all know as a mother that the sincere thank yous are few and far between. Sure we prompt them, "What do you say?" but Macee did it all on her own. I started to tear up! I know despite me, and my lack of awesome mothering skills, she is learning to express gratitude!

My other ah ha moment came as I looked over tonight as we watched a family movie together, Kelly had Addie all curled up in his lap. It melts my heart, I'll be honest! Kelly and addie have a special relationship. You see, when I was in the hospital after having her and my 3rd surgery Kelly would go to the NICU and feed Addie. He would be so excited. He watched the clock like a hawk for his 3 hour mark so he could go back up and hold our tiny baby and feed her since I was in the ICU. I think over the next few weeks that bond only grew stronger. I was so weak after I got home I couldn't even lift her out of her bassinette let alone nurse her. So Kelly would get up, this big man, gathered our tiny 5 pound baby in his arms and he fed her, rocked her, and kissed her. Watching my very strong and brave husband do this with such tender care has stuck with me. Just seeing these two cuddled up together and her asleep in his arms brings back a flood of play by play emotions. I can see him as if it was yesterday caudeling that tiny 5 pound baby in his arms and now here she is 4 years old and they still snuggle together!

These are the moments my friends! The moments you realize why you face the things you do. Why things are so hard somedays, including the days when paint is spilled all over your laundry room! It's because those days bring us to the days and the moments where they genuinely say thank you and curl up in your arms to fall asleep because that is where they know safety! So look out for your ah ha moments of clarity! You'll be amazed at the morale booster it is. XXXOOOO to my husband, children, and to all my friends who make my "ah ha moments" possible! I LOVE YOU!