I have had a lot of time to contemplate on my reactions to situations and my relationship with my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. First may I say, that I am a bit ashamed of myself. I needed to have more faith through all of this. I had the strong spiritual prompting that the surgery was the direction we needed to go to make me better and Kelly seconded the motion with his own personal revelation. So I forged forward with faith but then, as usual, things did not go as planned. That is wherein lies my problem. Life is most seriously what happens to us while we are making other plans!
I think my spirit and my body were just so tired I doubted my own strength and I asked the question "Why me?" a whole lot. This was not my first trial and it will not be my last. I know God has a different perspective of me than I have of myself. I guess he sees a girl who can grow and overcome watching her father and grandfather die two months apart, a young women who could endure severe physical an emotional abuse growing up, and a woman who can endure losing two babies almost her life and the ability to ever give birth again. I think I looked back this time around and thought, I am not strong enough to do this. This thought has plagued me for weeks now until some spiritual re-fuelling on Sunday and my husbands inadvertent choice of song for family home evening.
I find it amazing that my Heavenly Father tends to answer my prayers in the simplest of acts. So let me tell you why now I am starting to change my perspective of myself from what others think and how I view myself to finding those rose colored glasses the Savior views me through.
Kelly and I have been touched deeply by a primary song that the kids learned this year entitled "If the Savior Stood Beside Me" The words are so touching that you have to read them and then I suggest you listen to it on my side bar. It may just get you to view your world through rose colored glasses.
If the Savior stood beside me, would I do the things I do?Would I think of His commandments and try harder to be true?Would I follow His example? Would I live more righteously,If I could see the Savior standing nigh, watching over me?
If the Savior stood beside me, would I say the things I say?Would my words be true and kind if He were never far away?Would I try to share the gospel? Would I speak more reverently, If I could see the Savior standing nigh, watching over me?
If the Savior stood beside me, would my thoughts be clean and pure?Would His presence give me strength and hope, and courage to endure?Would His counsel guide my actions? Would I choose more worthily, If I could see the Savior standing nigh, watching over me?
He is always near me, though I do not see Him thereAnd because He loves me dearly, I am in His watchful care. So I'll be the kind of person that I know I'd like to be. If I could see the Savior standing nigh, watching over me.
So here is the question I pose to myself and to you, If the Savior stood beside you would you feel like you had more strength, hope, and courage to endure? My answer was definitely YES! Then I thought, He is standing right here. He is always here and he will always be here. The mental road block I have to get through is that I don't need to physically see Him there. He is in everything around me. He did not forsake me I in my own human mindset forsook Him for a moment. I am not proud of it but I have learned from it.
I love my heavenly parents, I appreciate my Saviors sacrifice for me more and more every day. When you do not have your health about you, you begin to contemplate the pain the Savior must have endured in Gesthemane and then you are humbled by a sacrifice you will never be able to match! I am so thankful to my Savior for His love and His sacrifice. So remember, the Savior is standing beside you. Find strength in that and I will too!
12 comments:
Amber, what can I say? This is a beautiful post with such a beautiful message. It is true that he is really beside us. I feel him in my life as well in the simplest of things. Thank you for reminding me.
You are such a great person and I think you are much stronger than you realize. You have always been an inspiration to me and I thank you for that. Remember you are always in my prayers. Thank you again for reminding me of the Savior and his constant influence in my life.
Oh, by the way, you look gorgeous in the pic you posted.
That is so true. In everything we do; he is there standing beside us, watching over us. I find comfort in that knowledge and joy all around me. Thanks for sharing your testimony. It was beautiful.
I love that song too, it has a beautiful message. You are a great example!!
I also love that song. You are right, it is a wonderful message and our children learn it at church so that is great. You are a great example to me.
This is one of my favorite primary songs. I'm sad that we don't sing it more. Your family is beautiful! and I love you picture with your kids!
You have endured a lot, Amber, and so just the fact that you are able to see the sunshine through the rain is a testament to me that you have a strong testimony of and love for the Savior. Thanks for sharing your thoughts..
Oh Amber Sue...what can I say, we've been through a lot together. Its funny, I went to lunch on my birthday with my accompanist and we started talking about me and where I came from she said something I will never forget. She said "I'm suprised you're not lying dead in a ditch somewhere and that you're not bitter and cynical. After all you've been through, no one would blame you."
All I can say, is I too am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who gently (and not so gently at times) kicks me in the butt and reminds me how fortunate I am.
Amber, you are amazing and, even when I've given you crap for it, I want you to know that your example has helped me through some of the most trying times of my life, it has given me something to shoot for. I hope and pray to be half as lucky as you are. You have a beautiful family and so much love in your life, I would give anything to have that!
Keep smiling, and don't beat yourself up too much. This life is a test and realizing where you've grown and failed is all a part of the journey...it means you're passing with flying colors my dear. But then again, I don't think there has ever been a test you haven't passed, so life should be a piece of cake! ;)
Love your guts!
What a beautiful message. Thank you for being such a strong, good example. You are an amazing woman. And that song is so touching. I cry every time I hear it.
You are such a trooper. I know I could not have made it through half of the things you have. I know the Savior has been your constant companion. Truly the Savior is aware of our needs during our trials and our joys during success. Thanks for sharing such a special message of hope.
Amber...
Your blog is to die for! Fun to see you at work tonight! Loves!
Amber, your post was so good. Thank you for spreading your sweet spirit. Honestly Amber, I know you have had your fair share of trials but from the outside, you always seems so cheerful and postitive. It amazes me that you can be so happy and make everyone around you happy too. I just love your sweet personality!
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