I have debated about writing this for all of you to read but I feel like I need an outlet right now. I'm a little frustrated and down trodden. You see over the last two and a half years I have struggled greatly with my health. As if losing the ability to have children didn't hurt enough then add three surgeries and 4 D&C's in less than one year you will probably see me hanging at the very end of my rope. Don't worry folks, I have tied a knot and I'm hanging on for dear life but I am losing the strength to hold on.
I love my Heavenly Father, and even though I have been challenged a lot recently, I can also see the great blessings and miracles that have occurred in my life but sometimes I just want to ask Him, "What is it that I just haven't learned yet?" I know all things difficult are given to us for our benefit and learning but I don't know what I still need to learn because it seems like this health trial has been a repeat for me.
Trust me when I say I am trying to stay positive but my body and my spirit are worn out. I need a vacation or at least a beachy path to walk on for a little while. I want to be able to get up and play with my kids, chase them to their activities, clean my house, and do my fall canning, but once again I find myself in bed at moments racked with pain and I question how much longer I can endure this.
I hate having people feel sorry for me, I hate taking their time when they come to help me with my kids or bring dinner. I feel guilty and weak like, "Why can't I just get up and do this?" I keep thinking mind over matter. Just get up and go! Push through the pain but than I wind up back in bed in worse pain than when I started.
Right now I guess I could just use some words of encouragement. Please know that for those of you that have helped us in the last two years my gratitude is unbounded. I feel so grateful that Heavenly Father has put such great people in my life to help bear up this load I just wish I didn't have to ask this of you. If I can ask for one more little favor, pray for me. Pray that I can find the strength to bear what lay ahead and pray that the doctors might find a way to control this situation. I love you all so very much, I thank my Heavenly Father dearly for you.
1 day ago
10 comments:
Amber Sue...maybe you should take a vacation to beautiful Missoula, MT. You could stay with me and we could go downtown and see all the sights. Even though I've been homesick since I got here, there is something very healing about the mountains and all the beauty up here. Oprah (or sister Oprah as we call her in relief society) did this special on mom's who take a mom vacation. It just sounds like this is what you need. Once your health improves there is a cozy spot open for you here and I will take you to all the best places! Hang in there, I'm praying for you and I love you always.
Oh, Amber! I know 'I'm sorry' isn't what you want to hear, but I truly feel for you having to go through this trial and I can definitely understand your feelings and why it is so hard. You are such an energetic soul and I can imagine that this is incredibly trying for you because it is not "you" to have to lay in bed and such. I can honestly just imagine it being so difficult. I don't have a whole lot of advice-- just hang in there and know that I will be praying for you! Big hugs!
You are such a source of strength to me, because of your attitude. Heavenly Father loves you and he knows how much you can handle. Just when you've reached your limit He'll be there. Brittany sounds like she is on the right track, you do need a break. I am sure Becky and Pam wouldn't mind if you jumped in with them when they come to Boise. I sound as if I know it all, but I don't know what you are enduring. You are a wonderful woman! I hope you tell yourself that each morning and believe it. You've got a great support system and we're all praying for you. You'll be okay. We love you!
You express your feelings so beautifully! I am thinking and praying for you during this hard time, and willing to do anything I can to help. Your kids are always welcome to come "hang" at my house. You are such a positive and upbeat person, I know that you will make it thru this. Call me so I can help. Maybe some cute kiddie pictures will make you smile today!
Holy Crap Amber, I just checked out Caralees pics of your kids! They are little beautiful model children, great pics, I loved them, I think I will be calling her when I get home again.
I can't believe that you let us come over to your house when you are feeling so bad, you are a trooper, I wouldn not have known you were feeling poorly. You hide it too well, you need to let me help. you are an amazing mom!
Amber-
You truly are an amazing person and have done so much. I will pray for you that you will have the strength to make it through this and other trials. Hang in there!
Oh Amber, I will definitely keep you in my prayers. It was good talking to you today and I really do wish I lived closer so that I could help more. If you need anything, please let me know.
Amber,
Hang in there! Please let me know what I can do to help you guys out! I know what it is like...a little bit. Please don't be afraid to ask for or accept help, thats why we are all here!
Amber, I had no idea that you were going through rough times again. I guess I haven't talked to you in a long time. I don't know how you stay so cheerful much of the time. You are such a strong person. Heavenly Father knows your strength because he has put you through so much. Sorry it seems to never end for you. I hope that things will start looking up for you soon. I will pray for you, please call if you need anything!
Amber, my love! We are soul sisters, I swear it! Being at your house today, I had a quiet revelation. You are going through this not for you but for those of us that need to learn to serve. You are such a strong spirit. Don't let this get you down. It's so understandable that you're tired. Remember to fill your cup. Have "Amber days" and know that I love you and Heavenly Father loves you. You have so many people that are willing to help. So let us gather blessings for ourselves by helping you out. Your spiritual gift you are developing even right now is that you are able to accept help. I love you, nursie poo! :) Take care!
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